Monday, May 24, 2010


Do you ever wonder why we lose motivation?  Is it that things are too hard?  Unsupportive spouse?  Lazy?  There are lots of things that make the weight loss journey long and difficult but the goal is not too give up.  I have been heavy most of my life and I can easily say that what has worked against me is self sabatauge.  I will inevitably make myself fail so that I can prove I couldn't do it.  In my heart I know that I can but it's going to be a slow, sometimes seemingly unrewarding process but it will be worth it in the end.  My brain says who cares whether you are fat or skinny?  Your husband can't keep his hands of of you and you love it.  Yes I do love that my husband can't keep his hands of me BUT I do not love it.  I feel gross, fat and disgusting somedays.  If I'm a little bloated (like today, thank YOU mother nature for bestowing gifts) I will get depressed.  Before you go all 'oh I'm sure your pretty'...I am.  However, lately I have been having more and more ugly days.  More and more I notice the extra weight.  More and more I see myself becoming a big ole fatty and you know what it makes me want to do?  Find a damn cookie and eat it, then find more.  I am really working hard on not being an emotional eater and doing what needs to be done.  Sometimes it's difficult because it's such a natural thing for me to do.  Bad cream.  Good day..pasta.  After a week of 'good eating' I would give myself a 'treat' usually outdoing all of the work I had done.  That was the old me. 

The new me says...I WILL do this.  I will lose weight and live a 'normal' lifestyle.
The old me would say...who's going to know if you cheat? 
The new me says...I will know and I don't want to feel guilty anymore.
The old me used to feel guilty for eating, that since I was already so large I didn't need anymore food.
The new me will eat when hungry and eat things that are good for my body.

My next post will be weigh in number 3 and then I think I will do a post about what life is like as an overweight person.  People who have never been even a little weight do not understand.
The old me can go get bent while the new me finds her way out!

No comments:

Post a Comment